A Day to Say Good Bye


No Copper.

Today was a day of good-byes.

When I got home this afternoon, Copper was gone. Claudia and Isaiah had come by and taken her back home.

I didn’t even get to say good bye to her.

We really enjoyed her visit this time! She seemed so much more content than she had ever been with us before. And, no howling in the middle of the night! At all! It would have been a sad farewell, as I had gotten used to her purring, cuddling, and greeting me in the morning when I got out of bed. Now all of a sudden the house seems a bit more empty than it did before.

Now that got me thinking about things.

I had just come home from another good bye. It was an amicable one, but nonetheless difficult. I expressed my gratitude. The other person asked if we might ever encounter each other again. I simply said, “I don’t know,” as that was my honest answer. After all, do any of us really know? And what is this identity that we hold on to, anyway?

So now I am thinking about the power of good bye. Sometimes it seems too strong an emotion for us to bear.

What do you do with strong emotions? A couple of good friends have some suggestions.

My friend Kai, who wrote Autogenic Training, has a section on what he refers to as “offloading exercises.” Some of them might seem silly on the surface, but they work. Quite a few years ago, before Kai and I became friends, my friend Doris (who reads this blog occasionally) made me a very special doll. You are probably thinking, “what did a grown man need a doll for? Well this was a dammit doll. Here’s how you make it:

1) take a tube sweatsock.

2) stuff it with poly fill, or something similar.

3) tie a knot in the end of it.

4) paint or draw a face on the other end of it.

You can get as fancy as you want with it, but that’s pretty much it.

I’ll let you decide what to do with this doll!

Doris also had a question she would ask me when I was angry. “Do you need to go out and throw rocks at trees?”

Sometimes I did. Sometimes I needed to do something else.

And sometimes I just need a good cry. Or singing high notes works well too!

Sometimes we need to say goodbye to that which never was. I’ve done a lot of that recently, and I think I’m about to do some more very soon. You know, it’s all about illusions, and trances, and hallucinations. We’ve all been there, and when we begin to wake up from them, sometimes it hurts.

And after the hurt…we learn to…

Go West! (Pet Shop Boys)

Be well, and at peace!


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2 Comments on “A Day to Say Good Bye”

  1. pochp Says:

    and after the hurt… we are wiser.

  2. Deborah Ling Says:

    Go west, young man. I had forgotten that peace of advice, but in shamanism west is the direction of good byes, of endings. How appropriate! Side note: I would not encourage throwing rocks at trees, because rocks and trees are living beings and should not be the object of our emotional releases. However, a wonderful anger work out is getting five dozen eggs (yes, it has to be five dozen) Throw them at rocks. It’s an amazingly cathartic experience and it doesn’t hurt the rocks. The animals will thank you, especially in the winter. They will have a wonderful, protein meal and you will feel so much better. Just the sight of all those broken eggs gives us a new lease on life. Thanks for your wonderful blogging. I am without internet temporarily so cannot check in here very often. LOVE — Deborah

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